It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear. --Dick Cavett (1936- )

I am a slacker. I know this. Therefore I am going to state how things are and how I feel about them.

Work: Nothing has really changed and I am going crazy. I keep getting closer and closer to this breaking point with Helga, but it is scary. If I leave I lose all my benefits. For the first time in my life I would be completely unprepared financially if anything were too happen.

Ed: Won't really talk to me unless he's telling me how much he's hurting. How much I hurt him. . . It sucks. I care about him so much and I can't do anything to stop it. . . Just hope that he can move past it.

Justin: Still some weird verson of friends. I'm not sure how I feel about this one. . .

Gibby: Really like the guy, but nothing is happening. Managing to play it chill somehow.

Scott: Yeah you haven't heard about him in a while. Had my first encounter since just after we broke up and it shook me up a bit. Also had a conversation over IM that resembled flirting... Don't know that status of he and his gf. Trying really hard to not care, but definitely caring.

Church: Back at the beginning

Marie and Fawn: Both amazing

Family: Love them.


Yeah.... We'll see how it goes.

Justin is supposed to come over soon. . . . My whole body has an unnatural, achey, tenseness. . . The last time I felt like this, I had to take my anxiety meds. Whatever is going to happen tonight cannot be good. . .

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. -Fran Lebowitz (1950- )

Last night Gibby and I went to Friday's to grab some food. Maybe it was the day. Maybe it was evidence of how lame I can be, but for some reason the fact that my chicken on top of my pasta was cut at a slant instead of straight down really bothered me.

Strangeness.

You cannot change character.

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.-Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

In respect to "the younger guy". . . #1 way to tell that a guy isn't into you: He openly checks out other women and shares what he thinks.

Sigh . . . a downside to being one of the guys.

I am never afraid of what I know. -Anna Sewell (1820-1878)

Yesterday I had the chance to meet some pretty important people in Gibby's life and although I was nervous, I was happy with how things went. I didn't have any idea how I was "supposed" to act and I am sure I made a few mistakes. Going into it, I knew that there was a chance that it would affect how I look at Gibby, and it did.

It did, but I am alright with it. I like it.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. -W.C. Fields (1880-1946)

I mentioned that my birthday last month wasn't all that great. Yes, I know I have talked a lot about turning 22 and all, but for some reason it's just seemed bigger than other points in my life. Anyway it wasn't that great with my family because I saw my brothers and sisters all around me and listened to their conversations. There was this realization that I had nothing to relate with them about. They all have spouses, homes, landscaping, and kids as the topics of the conversation and I have nothing to say about any of it because I'm just not there yet.

It's a tradition in our family to go to a high school close by and watch fireworks on the 3rd of July. I had a lot of those same feelings from my birthday, but I guess I appreciate more about where I am right now. A light turned on. I am the cool aunt. When I went on a walk with two of my nieces and they ate it up. Walking with them. When we got back, I found out one of my nephews was asking where "his Carrie" was. Everyone wants to take a picture with me. The girls changed how they were wearing their glowing things to look like me. When I danced with the group of kids, it was impressive to them rather than being a parent and having it be embarrassing. I'll have that spouse, home, landscaping, and kids someday. Still hopefully sooner than later, but I want to soak up every moment that I have where I am.

You're never too old to become younger. -Mae West (1893-1980)

The younger guy. . . what is so freaking attractive about him? Obviously he's good-looking. He's intuitive. His laugh. Even his shyness. . . wow. Just attractive.