Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot. -Josh Billings (1818 - 1885)

Two weeks ago I was at work and answered a call from another store to look for something. I was in a jovial mood (which is rare for a Monday) and asked how "Gibby" was. He said something to the effect that he was well, but he was craving something and wasn't sure what it was. In the perky mood I was I said, "It's Dr. Pepper, isn't".

He agreed that it was indeed what would hit the spot and that we should go get a Dr. Pepper sometime. I consented, but figured it would be one of those things that was said, but would never actually happen. At the end of the week, I got another call from him concerning store business, but he tacked on. "So when are we going on our Dr. Pepper date."

"I don't know, when are we going on our Dr. Pepper date?"

"How about Friday, around seven?"

"Okay."

He said he'd let let me know the details and we hung up. When I placed the phone back in it's cradle it hit me. . . beyond that Gibby manages another store and is really nice on the phone, I know nothing about him. . . Thus my fishing began.

On Tuesday I went to my old store to talk with "Cindy" because I knew that they had worked together previously. However before I had said anything about it she says, "Hey, I heard you have a date Friday with Gibby, he's such a nice guy."

I had to laugh becuase apparently I'm not the only one who had pulled out his pole and put a worm on the hook. I found out enough for me to feel secure about the date and left. The next day I was working at the UPS computer when "Luke" came over and half yelled, "Hey!"

This was never a situation that I had before from him so I thought that I had done something wrong or somehow offended him. Once he knew that he had my attention he said, "I just want you to know that Gibby is one of the best guys I know."

So how many ponds has this guy been to? By the time Friday came around I was looking forward to seeing if I could measure up to whatever information he was able to catch.

Although I'm tempted to, I won't divulge all the details. The summation of it all was that I had a REALLY good time. It was the date to restore my faith in men. He was everything good. A gentleman, funny, thoughtful, interested in what was being said, very attractive. . . and that is exactly why he'll never call. It was just too darn perfect.

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.

-Og Mandino (1923 - 1996)

Sunday, I had an appointment with my bishop since we meet up every few weeks to make sure things are going alright. He helps me get stronger by giving me assignments like read such and such book or try to do such and such when you are in this situation. I have a small notebook that I take with me to church and to institute that I'll write notes in or thoughts I have and I also include the assignments I get from my bishop. I had finished writing what he wanted me to do and was putting away the notebook when he said, "I have something else for you, but I don't think you'll have to write it down."

It seemed a little weird to me, but I trust my bishop more than I can say. He then said, "Would you accept a call to the Young Women as a Beehive Advisor."

First words out of my mouth, "Are you serious?"

Let me explain where I'm coming from on this one. Young Women is for girls ages 12-18 and it includes a portion of church and also activities, "mutual", which are midweek and for our ward is on Wednesdays. Although I turn 22 in two weeks, I still feel like I just got out of Young Women. Also, I'm still working through things with the bishop (obviously) and I didn't think I could have a calling like that; especially a calling that requires leaders to be such examples. There is a lot of responsibility in teaching these Beehives, which are 12-13, expect the world. Goodness. . . it's a little overwhelming.

I did accept the calling and am trying my darndest to look forward to it. I will be late for mutual activities since I have math and I have to change my institute class, but as crazy as it is, I feel like this is a chance to prove what I can do to myself. . . that I am worthy of this and that I can rock it with help from the Lord.

If you haven't found something strange during the day, it hasn't been much of a day. -John A. Wheeler (1911- )

It has been a titch busy of late. It all began with the pre-Mother's Day phone order rush, continued with Mother's Day itself, starting classes for summer semester, and then trying to catch up with everyone I lost track of during my Mother's Day and school madness. Thank heaven I am to a point where I can maybe slow down enough to figure out what actually happened in the last three weeks.

• My cell phone contract ends in about a week and I have been really excited. This gives me the opportunity to have a half-way decent phone without having to pay an unbelievable amount for it. I've been taking my time trying to figure out what will serve me the best and after some searching, decided that I want a Motorola SLVR. Come to find out that Cingular is discontinuing the SLVR. Lame. . . . and now I'm back to square one.

• Along the lines of electronics problems, my laptop is refusing to charge. My VAIO has been through a lot with me so I took it in to have it looked at (and to look at the nerdy computer guys that I find super-attractive). When it came down to it they said it would probably cost me about $180 to get it fixed. I left it and was happy to get it running again, however then I got the call of doom. . . "Hi, this is Cute Nerd. I was looking to order the part we need to fix your computer and the cheapest I can find it at any vendor is $110." . . . WHAT?! So with labor and all, the repair will now cost me potentially $240. It's breaking my heart, but I'm considering maybe just building a new laptop and letting my VAIO go the way of out-dated computers.

• Good news! I finally made a decision on my MP3 player. I now have a very cute black Zune. Granted, it doesn't have any music on it because of the whole lappy issue, but I am stoked to fill it with music goodness. Along with that, I have finally replaced my broken car stereo. Radio is great, but that's all I've been able to listen to for the last six months. Maybe it's the control freak inside of me breaking out, but I just couldn't stand listening to another of the over-played, idiot-requested songs I kept hearing over and over again. The funny part of it all is that I have played a total of three Cd's in my stereo . . . over and over again. Now I just need a Wii and a DS and pretty much all of my electronic desires are fulfilled.

• Ed and I got into it a little a few weeks ago. We were talking and I came across as critical and self-righteous which is exactly opposite than I wanted to be. Ed means a lot to me as a friend and it was terrible knowing that I had hurt him. We are talking again now and I even went to hang out with him and the guys for a little bit. I just hope that maybe we can get back to where we were.

• Justin. . . Justin, Justin, Justin. I've come to the realization that it just will never be there with him. My comfort and love for him has to stay in the friend range, however I also have come to the realization that I am a walking contradiction. I do care about him on a level that is different. . . somewhere in the limbo of friendship and something more. He is one awesome guy and I want him to have the girls of all girls. . . someone that he just falls desperately in love with and can be with forever. That being said, when I hear things that could potentially mean that for him, I have this green monster inside of me that is just enraged with jealousy and also hurt that I'm not that one.

• Trying to figure out the whole friend/dating thing can be a little bit difficult. The situation with Logan is a little bit different than with Justin because we haven't dated before and it's easier to stay in the friend zone than push it any further. I don't even know that I want anything further, just that he is a really good guy and I enjoy hanging out with him.

• I know that we are all trying to find out who we are and that life is a journey, but what happens when you find a part of yourself that you really don't like? I feel like over the past few weeks I've found something that I wish I hadn't. That I wish was still buried. A part of me that has a short temper and isn't as responsive to how other people feel as I would like to be. I do not like that part of me at all . . .

• So it's kind of interesting, but I've actually been hanging out with girls lately. In the past, I've found my comfort just chilling with the guys since there seems to be a little less drama and a lot more straight-forwardness, but I am happy to say that "Fawn" is one cool chick; an ally of sorts. We're alike in a lot of ways, but different enough to be interesting. Yay for someone who understands what "CAOS" means!

I must say congratulations if you were able to pull something worthwhile out of all of that. With so much knocking around in my head, it didn't come out in a very cohesive manner.

The world is wide, and I will not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum. -Frances Willard (1839-1898)

I just ate an entire bowl of homemade white chocolate popcorn that was delicious as only something that is so horrible for you can be. The dilemma is that I did not find my answer before I got to the bottom. It is probably best to start from a somewhat beginning:

Work has not been very enjoyable of late and after some soul-searching and a locked in job offer somewhere else, I decided to put in my two weeks. Tuesday, my day off actually, I went in and talked to my manager "Helga". I think she was surprised at what I had to say in spite of her saying, "I've noticed you've been unhappy". She then began to say how much she appreciated me and all the work I have put into my position. Also that she has seen how much I have improved the systems we have in place an such. Helga talked about her own frustrations and that she can see where I am coming from. I thought it was sweet of her to give me a kind of "you did well and we wish you the best speech" then she said, "I would really hate to lose you and why don't we see what we can work out."

. . . What? . . . She said she needed to speak with our district manager and that she asked that I not make any final decisions until the next day. She took the time to call me later that night and to convey how much the D.M. appreciated me and to ask how much my hourly pay was because she could not remember. I thanked her and gave her the information that she needed and said good-bye.

Yesterday was her day off and today when we were both working in the office she sat me down and we touched base with each other as far as projects we were working on and then she told me that if I were to stay that they would give me a $ .75 an hour raise. I took it in and let her know that I would factor that into my considerations.

That complicates things a little bit. I mean the job I would be heading to is a pretty dramatic pay cut anyway, but I have to wonder how much it could get better at the store. It is hectic with Mother's Day coming up, but that is not why I felt like I should leave. Was this the reason I felt I needed to put in my two weeks? That this opportunity was waiting to open up for me?

Should I fold and stick around, or make ends meet?

What about school? How can I afford to pay for it without staying? How do I handle working both if I do stay?

Is this my opportunity to become more independent or will I become even more dependant upon money?

What happens if the other job is not a good fit for me?

So here I am, one delicious bowl of popcorn (which I am actually feeling really guilty about) later, and I have no answers.

I just hope that whatever decision I make, either right or wrong, I can take the consequences/blessings as they come.